How is it abuse?

How do these people, whom we loved, who we gave our lives to, who we promised to share and live and love forever, get to be so mean? We all know what physical abuse is. Some of us here might even have bruises and scars to prove it.  Emotional abuse leaves scars too, but not of the visible kind.  According to Beverly Engel, author of several books on abuse, "Any behavior that is designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate another person through the use of degradation, humiliation, or fear, can be defined as EMOTIONAL ABUSE" (emphasis added).  "Emotionally abusive behavior ranges from verbal abuse (belittling, berating, constant criticism) to more subtle tactics like intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to be pleased....examples include; humiliation and degradation, discounting and negating, domination and control, judging and criticizing, accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, emotional distancing and "silent treatment" isolation, withholding of attention or affection, disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments and behavior, sulking and pouting, subtle thereof abandonment (either physical or emotional). Emotional abuse is not only made up of negative behaviors but negative attitudes as well, i.e. believing that others should do as you say, not noticing how others feel, not caring how others feel, believing that everyone else is inferior to you, believing that you are always right...Emotional abuse is like brainwashing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self confidence, sense of self worth, trust in his or her perceptions and self concept...Emotional abuse is considered by many to be the most painful form of violence and the most detrimental to self esteem....with emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self esteem until he or she is INCAPABLE of JUDGING a situation REALISTICALLY" (my emphasis added)

Any of those sound familiar? Probably too familiar? As in probably a picture of daily life in your old home? It was for me too.  Stay tuned for how to get help and begin to recover.